We took our much-maligned dog to the vet; she had been having these strange seizures and we couldn’t tell if it was joint pain or something else.
Before we had finished describing all of the dog’s various symptoms the vet brought up the dreaded “quality of life” phrase. We thought it would be easy. We thought we were prepared.
We were not.
Even though she drove us crazy it was really hard, when it came down to it. What’s worse, we had been putting this off because we didn’t want to seem too hasty, and the vet said something along the lines of “when you see these symptoms… it’s just cruel to make them live that way.” So great — our self-consciousness turned to cruelty.
And, as we were absorbing that little nugget, Grey asked “Why is he going to kill our dog?” Now, we had talked to him about this possibility at length in the preceding weeks. But how do you get that to sink in with a six-year old? It’s pretty abstract.
Shoshanah dissolved in tears and took Greyson to the waiting room. The doc had me pin down a confused and struggling Coco. I desperately wanted to tell her that it would be okay, that the pain and misery and confusion would be over. I talked to her as best I could in those few seconds, hoping the lower tones in my voice would pierce that deafness that had started making everything so much worse. And as the anaesthetic rushed in, she did relax and seemed happy, happier I imagine than she had been in months, and soon she lay quietly in my arms.
The guilt was piercing and multilayered. The guilt for keeping her alive, the guilt for putting her down. The guilt over how we honestly felt about her when she was alive. The guilt from the uncertainty about whether it was wise to have Grey involved in this final process. The conflict about my support for voluntary human euthanasia and the difficulty of participating in pet euthanasia. (I know, those are very different but it didn’t feel like it just then.)
As for Grey, there was method to our madness. We have a beloved relative in poor health, and I think that Greyson will be confronting death imminently. I felt it was a disservice to try to shelter him from it at this time. Thoughts?
2 Users Responded In This Post
The decision to end a life is never easy: man or animal. Your compassion for this life is what delayed the decision and this same compassion is what allowed you to help him go on. Bringing Grey to the vet’s is not wrong, but it may feel too harsh only because you wish no one would have to face this sort of thing, but leaving him at home while his dog just “went away” is not real either. Hiding from the truth does not make the truth any easier to swallow. You made the best decision you could in difficult times.
Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is never easy. through time they have developed strong bonds with you much like that of a family member and no matter how or why they have to leave it is especially hard on the children. deciding on how to deal with this with your children is very difficult and you should always trust your instincts.I commend you on your choices in this matter. Honesty coupled with sensitivity and a warm hug is always best. They will thank you for this when they’re older. My sincerest condolences on your loss.
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